An ongoing discussion about victory over sexual addiction.

Part One, excuses and myths, here.

Part Two, the science, here.

Part Five: Quitting Isn’t Enough. Here.

Why Do I Use Porn? Why Can’t I Stop? Here.

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As a recovered porn addict having been sober for a while now by the grace of God, I’d love to set up a “workshop” where I can answer your questions and share how to recover.

I pray over the weeks that you’ll gain confidence in freedom from the slavery of sexual addiction. This is no longer a problem in church, but the problem. No one talks about it. But we need to talk about it.

I went on a research binge when I first became serious about recovery so I will be sharing some of the stats and facts here. Please know that I can’t answer every question but will try my best to address them all.

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I am a recovering porn addict.

This isn’t all I am. We tend to define ourselves by our failures — there’s the drunkaholic, the drop-out, the town whore, the depressed emo guy — but you can also become addicted to recovering. If you claim to be a Christian, then you’re defined not by your failures and trophies, but found, forgiven, and fulfilled in Jesus Christ.

We are all recovering from something, but it’s not only from something. It’s to a greater something.

If you’re serious about overcoming sexual addiction, it can’t be about getting better for yourself. Though God allows, even commands, a joyfulness and boasting in Christ, it’s because of the last part — in Christ. He has set a greater purpose for you beyond constant recovery.

People fail at overcoming sin because they follow a strict checklist but with their newfound free time ask, “Now what?” Most rehab programs just hope for the best in the aftermath.

Saying that Jesus is the answer sounds too simple. But don’t we dumb people tend to complicate things? It’s really that simple. Our sanctification in Christ is for Him.

To make an obsession of it gets complicated, and my goal as your friend in Christ is to unburden you, not weigh you down with methods and mantras. The healed blind man didn’t say, “I once was blind but now I’m blind.” Jesus never said “I’m one of the ways to truth and a pretty good life.”

Here are two terms I’ll be using that are critical in shaping recovery and post-recovery from sexual addiction. I’ve ripped off some of this from better pastors and writers. I’m still learning and by no means do I know all there is to know. I still want to share what I do know.

Sobriety. If you’re dead serious about recovery, you’ll call yourself sober from addiction. When you’re not sober, you call it other things: a mistake, a mess-up, a boo-boo, an oops. How about disobedience? Rebellion? Lying to yourself? Sin?

Sobriety also means you can never go back. You refuse to allow porn and sexual sin to be an option. Simple: I refuse to go back and it is no longer an option.

Alcoholics in AA don’t even pretend they can handle alcohol anymore. They refuse one drop. The first of their Twelve Steps says, “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.” The third step says, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.”

Not to be cute, but it’s sobering to call each day “sober.” It brings to light the seriousness of the problem. It does not trivialize the destructive nature of addiction. We call out the Enemy for who he is.

Self-worship. Every resource I’ve studied on porn addiction states that using porn masks a deeper issue. It’s never about the porn. The porn is used to escape something else. We use it when we’re frustrated, lonely, tired, angry, or longing.

But I’ve found this isn’t always a one-to-one correlation. Sometimes I used porn because it just felt good. Right after a retreat where I cried and prayed and sang with other Christians, I’d go home and use porn because I felt I “deserved” it. Or I’d just be horny. The issue wasn’t always that I was a victim of an emotional state. The problem was that I worshipped the pleasure of my penis. It was an act of self-worship. I was a porn addict because I was a pride addict.

All sexual sin in the short term is pleasurable. Some people feel remorse about it, but the more you do it the more it erodes your God-given compass of righteousness and humility. You can easily think that sex is the point of talking to women, brushing your teeth, getting a haircut, or having a good job — and that’s self-worship. It’s to say you’re higher than God and that the pleasure of your lubricated hand is better than the pleasure of knowing God, who made pleasure.

One time I left a light on while masturbating to porn. Somehow I also left the blinds open. Right before climax, I saw myself in the reflection of the window. I stopped. My stomach went sick at the sight of my hand on myself, my face all contorted in filthy pleasure from what I was doing. That night I couldn’t finish. I knew God saw me the same way, with a righteous compassionate heart that had a better destiny for me. But I didn’t quit altogether because I never confronted the pride of worshiping myself.

Questions: Are you willing to do whatever it takes, minus hurting yourself and others, to be sober from sexual addiction? How?

Can you admit that you think you’re God? How and why do you elevate yourself to that position? How will you humble yourself?

Next installment: The Myths and Excuses of Porn Addiction

Originally posted on my Tumblr.

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