An ongoing discussion about victory over sexual addiction.

The introduction here.

Part Two, the science, here.

Part Four: I’m Ready To Cut It Off. Here.

Part Five: Quitting Isn’t Enough. here.

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Most people would say that porn addiction is not really porn addiction.

It’s casual use, or to calm the nerves, or it’s necessary. It’s morally better than sex with strangers, or the solution to ward off premarital sex. I’ve heard, “There’s no such thing as porn addiction.” Hollywood actors regularly admit having huge stashes of porn. Some married couples say they use it to spice up the marriage (like CPR on a corpse). When I trained to be a CNA, the handbook said to never disturb a masturbating patient. “It’s natural.”

I could recite all the moral arguments about the poisonous porn industry or the danger of lust or the power of purity, but it begins to sound like the old church lady who made you wear a quilt over that dress.

In writing this, I’m assuming you or your friend want to recover from a sexual crisis. I’m assuming you’ve been harmed by habitual, destructive, time-wasting patterns of sexual deviance. If you don’t care, I can’t convince you otherwise.  There are smarter people who can. If you do care, welcome to sobriety.

Here’s the thing: Most people who want to stop masturbating to porn don’t really want to stop masturbating to porn.

I’ve met people who want to quit who weren’t really serious about quitting.  I was one of them.  It’s easy to tell in the first two minutes.  Usually I tell them to come back when they’re serious, because I don’t have a long life and I don’t want to waste my time.  I wasted a lot of other peoples’ time telling them I would quit, when I knew I probably wouldn’t.

If that’s harsh, we have to decide something: Are you really ready to get sober? Are you ready to give up excuses and popular myths and secular sexuality and rationalizations that sound dumb even to yourself?  Are you ready to never look back?

We’re always afraid of releasing the comfortable.  Honestly, it was horrifying to me that I could never use porn again.  That sounds silly, I know.  But it felt like some kind of huge loss — like giving up a friend, putting a pet to sleep, cutting off a limb, losing half the paycheck.  For the first week I felt completely lost without it.  Which only showed how dependent I had become.

The majority of people will laugh off this whole thing: “Porn addiction? Lol dude.”  But this isn’t about what other people are saying.  This isn’t about how culture will let you off the hook.  Even if 100% of your friends are using porn, it’s self-sabotage to latch onto a majority opinion. 

Take real time to confront this yourself: What legitimate, compelling, beneficial reason is there for me to use porn? Where did I hear it and why do I believe it?  Would I convince my family or my children or other children to firmly believe these reasons?

Apostle Peter wrote, “A man is a slave to whatever has mastered him” (2 Peter 2:19b).  There should only be one master.  Porn is not a sovereign being in Heaven who answers your prayers and delivers on promises and offers eternal joy.  But secretly we tend to think so.  In the Bible that’s called idolatry.  Jeremiah says, “They followed worthless idols and became worthless themselves” (2:5). Isn’t that obvious? Of course — but it’s so hard to let go.

At some point there must be a confession.

I’m addicted to porn and I’m serious about quitting.  I never want to go back.

In the Bible that’s called repentance.  It’s the start of something better.

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Next Installment:

What Porn Does To Your Brain, the Science, and Your Soul, Our Faith

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