My friend recently asked me for wisdom regarding his difficult youth ministry, particularly in dealing with hyper-demanding parents. He works in a Korean church so there is a cultural element. Here is my response.

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I’d pull back — way back — and consider your vision and goals for this ministry. Even write out your thoughts. See what God is telling you.

I can guarantee you one thing: God will not tell you that your job is to make the parents happy. To make every parent or student or church elder “happy” is impossible. Parents will leave anyway, even if you don’t make a single mistake. Everyone finds a reason to stir up conflict even if it’s unreasonable.

If you think in terms of “Am I doing enough” — it will never be enough. No one including yourself will ever be fully satisfied with your effort.

That’s actually a good thing. How freeing is that? Immensely. Focus on working for God. Only He can be pleased: no one else really can, and God is already pleased with you through His Son regardless of your performance. For now, it would be best to do your best and let the parents say what they want. Listen well but keep the vision God has given you. They will eventually trust you (or fire you), but by then it won’t matter anyway. We don’t work to gain their trust: we trust God in our work.

In a Korean church, you will have extra hurdles and challenges. Pray for your people and for yourself. No matter WHAT they say, love these students the best that you can even if that means stepping across some boundaries. Maybe others will tell you I am wrong, but in the end you don’t answer to who is right or wrong. You answer to God.

[In response to holding a meeting] Having a meeting can be good, but it can also be a time to beat you up. You can hear their thoughts and get specific prayer requests, but do not be so influenced that you work for performance or approval. Success or failure in ministry is not determined by how much the parents like you, or by results in the youth. Success is your obedience to Jesus.

I’d like to recommend a book called Sustainable Youth Ministry. Don’t feel pressured to read it, and if you do, be wise and use what you feel is necessary.

I will pray for you. Have courage because the Spirit of God lives in you. You can contact me any time. I will throw you a prayer or two.

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