Anonymous asked:
what are your thoughts on oral sex before marriage? sorry for the vulgarity, but i thought it’d be better to cut to the chase. peace brotha

I’ll answer in three ways:

1) You’re most likely asking me this to find loopholes for oral sex with a clean conscience. When you ask how-far-is-too-far, the question itself reveals your heart. In that case, you’ve asked with a pre-existing motive hoping for an answer to fit the answer you already have. So check your motives at the door.

2) Any form of sexual/physical contact will make you feel closer to a person than you actually are. That’s why Christians use terms like “emotional bondage.” What they’re saying is, Sin makes you stupid. Lust, especially. It will anchor you to someone that has no right to your body nor the keys to your anything else. It’s why clueless women stay with jobless, smelly, lazy, abusive, nasty skank man-boys: because of the milkshake. I’m not lying, dude.

But I know this won’t convince you because quite honestly, oral sex feels good. You could also say, “At least we’re not having real sex, and it helps prevent me from wanting to do the real thing.” Besides the fact that this rationalization is shallow garbage and can be philosophically debunked in 0.2 seconds, it’s a little insulting to demean a human being by saying “At least we are” fill-in-the-blank. Being romantically involved with someone the way that God designed is NOT a matter of “at least” anything.

Here’s the thing: physical pleasure will get in the way of establishing more meaningful intimacy. You’ll be building on sand, not a rock. Argument? Let’s sex it out. Disagreement? Milkshake time. Because sin makes us stupid — always remember that — so you will be overwhelmed by this Sex Monster until it drives you into unwise relationships that should have been expired yesteryear. When you wait for the best sex ever — in marriage, which removes the paranoia of non-commitment and STDs and cheating — then in the dating process you’ll build something real between two souls instead of two mindless beasts.

3) If you simply can’t stop any sort of sex while dating, what does that tell you? If you can’t be in each other’s presence without some kind of discipline, you already know what the house is built on. That sort of negative boundary will be carried into your marriage: a lack of discipline now doesn’t get cured by wedding vows.

If you’re a man, your job is to protect women from your own selfish desires. Otherwise, you’re still a little boy. The Gospel gives both men and women their physical dignity because it says we are created and redeemed, and that these broken bodies will be one day in resurrected glory like Jesus. Your body, unlike what pagans espouse, is a big deal.

Again, build the house right. How good is it right now anyway, with you constantly looking over your shoulder hoping not to get caught and killed by parents and siblings? Get to know the person. If you’re preoccupied with the sexiness, you don’t even know them. There are a trillion things you can do together that are more fun, more fulfilling, and less cheap than sneaking into your parents’ house and putting the dog outside and keeping half an ear to the driveway in case you need to zip up in a hurry. There is a world outside you can show your friend. And a world of joy in your friend’s beautiful soul waiting to trust you to be revealed.

When you get your own home, when you both are in a covenant marriage under God and with witnesses, when you’re blessed by all the parents, when you’re ready to live and die for this thing, then get ready for the best most godly sex ever.

I’d like to add: Before I come across as a self-righteous prig, this has always been a major battle for me. I’ve made so many compromises in this area that I’m really not qualified to write about it at all. I know that once you cross the line, it’s extremely difficult to go back. But this is always how I have felt, even before I was a follower of Jesus, simply because illegitimate physical intimacy is an intoxicating drug that destroys reason. Regardless of any hypocrisy, I share my honest testimony with you because I know how truly complex the battle is. That said: fight the good fight.

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Originally posted on my Tumblr.